Dating Dilemma

Well, if I am not mistaken, there is actually no Noachide's ruling concerning dating partners. Apart from the prohibition of not touching the member of the opposite sex (except necessary contacts such as a gentle tap on the shoulder) needlessly, there is no law to absolutely govern or secure the relationship between dating couples.

It is sad to say that as a Noachide whose friend is suffering the same fate, I could not have helped him to solve his predicaments and dilemmas.

In my opinion, two dating and courting person (of the opposite sex of course) are actually emotionally committed to each other and already has vowed (albeit metaphorically) to be together through their best of ability. It seems to me that this prohibition of taking someone's date fall under the category of theft. However, bear in mind that I have none halachic grounding in this topic whatsoever.

It is theft as it is wrong for someone to just take an individual away from a relationship. Suppose that a couple is committed to each other, the two parties have became an "item" of each other's possession. Dating suppose to be a trial period of a couple to attempt to be together, to know each other better and if things do not work out because of certain reasons, a healthy parting should be encouraged.

However, the intervention of a third person in a relationship is harmful and unfair to both parties as this violates the Spirit of the Seven Laws, which forms a person to be a morally upright individual even when the Sanhedrin can't punish that person for such and such behaviour.

Why is it harmful? Let me explain in a plain and simple form.

Firstly, a couple almost always swore with their heart to be with each other forever (there is where you get those I'll love you forever messages all over the trees in the garden.). When a vow is made, you can't break them even though you did not swear with the name of HaShem or in front of a court. Fulfilling a vow is a Grace unto HaShem.

Secondly, when you are committed emotionally, you are hoping that your partner will do the same to you. Expectation will arise and emotional attachment will developed. If someone enters the relationship, it will cause anguish in the party who losses and undue guilt upon the person that left the relationship along with the courtier.

Thirdly, even if they do not proclaim their endless love towards each other, a third person act of 'taking away someone' from a relationship is unjustifiably selfish and has committed the prohibition of theft. There is no need for a marriage contract to feel attached to someone as emotional tie will work out a lot of magic. Inasmuch as you love your car, books, or your favourite computers what's more if that is your date! He/she is a human for goodness' sake!

Fourthly, aside from all theft and stuff. How do you want people to treat you? If you obtain your partner by 'stealing' from others, will you want your partner to be stolen by someone as 'skillful' as you? Treat others how you want them to treat you. This is the essence of the Torah, “Do not do unto your neighbour what you won't do unto yourself. This is the whole Torah, the rest is only commentaries. Go and study it” as Rabbi Hillel the Elder puts it eloquently. If everyone in this world only do what he/she suppose to do and not more, the world will be a much better state than it is now.

Fifthly, it is not a question of whether you are observing a commandment or not. Inasmuch as masturbation did not violate any Torah Law, the Talmudic sages put it nicely as “the hand who reaches below the navel should be chopped off”. However, the Sanhedrin cannot execute punishment upon a person who masturbates. This teaches us one thing, to keep the spirit of the Sheva Mitzvot alive, there is more to the commandments. I remember a sage putting it this way: “you can observe all the 613 (7 for us) commandments of the Torah and still be a freak!” (not that harsh but it is almost synonymous).

The story of Yaakov and Rachel is almost as inconceivable. If Yaakov has not committed to her emotionally, will he works for another seven years for Laban just to obtain her? It is not easy for someone to do such things but it worth a million if one be true to their heart and do what is right.

However, if a relationship has reached a level when everything is seems to be heading to a dead end or maybe you are just too different with your lover, perhaps you should consider a peaceful separation. He or she might be for someone else and not you.

In cases where you think that you want to start with another person while you are in troubled commitment, think again. Have you know that person well enough? Is he/she really the one for you? It might mean that you are only confused with yourself, with finding yourself a substitute love. This is very unhealthy.

If you are really confronted by a lot of unsurmountable troubles while you are dating, it is worthwhile to consider a breakup. After you are sure you can't commit yourself anymore, sit down, relax, and talk of all the troubles with your partner. After breaking up, give yourself sometime before committing in a new relationship. Only remember the happy thought and forget the sad ones...

This is truly my thought. However, love between two person is really not an easy task. True love takes 'knowledge' while infatuation takes 'face value'. Make sure you know how to love before you commit and if you must hurt he/she because of your mistake, do so to set them free.

I experienced this before and I hope I can shed some light on this topic. It is not easy for me to overcome the feeling of rejection but eventually, this previous relationship really taught me something extremely valuable. Love is love, it is just that simple...